Wedding speeches: who speaks, in what order and for how long
Updated 13 October 2026 · Written by Lysela
At most Swedish weddings the parents speak first, then the wedding party, siblings and friends, and the couple often last. A speech runs three to five minutes, and the toastmaster sets the order and spreads the speeches between the courses. If you want to give one, tell the toastmaster well ahead, so the couple gets a surprise. Here is the order, a shape for the speech and openings to start from.
Try it yourself, no account neededIn what order are wedding speeches given?
The table shows the traditional order, closest family first. Today it is looser: if both sets of parents want to speak they can take turns, and if the parents do not speak, the next group moves up. The toastmaster sets the final order and spreads the speeches across dinner, so the food does not go cold.
The thank-you for the meal used to fall to the guest seated on the hostess's left. These days the toastmaster often thanks the kitchen, or the couple does it in their own speech.
| When | Who speaks | What the speech is usually about |
|---|---|---|
| Once everyone is seated | The toastmaster | Welcomes everyone, explains how the evening will run and calls the first toast. |
| With the starter | The bride's parents | Welcome the guests on behalf of the family and speak to the couple. |
| With the main course | The groom's parents | Welcome the newest family member and tell stories about their child. |
| Between courses | Best man, maid of honour and the wedding party | Memories from years of friendship, ideally ones everyone can follow. |
| Before dessert | Siblings, relatives and friends | Shorter speeches, songs and greetings from those who could not come. |
| Last, often with dessert | The couple | Thank the guests, their parents and everyone who helped. |
How long should a wedding speech be?
Three to five minutes is enough for most speeches. That is about one page of A4, read at a calm pace. Parents and the best man can take a little longer, but after ten minutes the room starts glancing at the clock, however good the speech.
Count the whole evening too. Ten speeches of five minutes come to almost an hour, and applause, toasts and changeovers add more. If a lot of people have signed up, the toastmaster can ask two speakers to join forces, or move a few to the coffee.
What should you say in a wedding speech?
Leave out in-jokes only a few people get, old relationships and anything the couple has not told their parents.
Who you are
Start with a sentence on how you know the couple. Not everyone in the room will know.
A memory
One short story says more than a list of fine qualities. Pick something that shows who the person is, and that grandma will understand too.
Both of them
If you only know one of them well, say something about what you have seen in them as a couple.
A toast
Finish by asking the guests to stand and raise a glass to the couple. That way everyone knows the speech is over.
Openings and toasts to start from
Replace what is in square brackets.
Dear [name] and [name], dear guests. I am [name], [name]'s mum. I have been looking forward to giving this speech for a long time.
Hello everyone. I am [name], and I have known [name] since we were [age]. I promised to keep this short, so I will start with what matters most.
So I ask you all to stand and raise your glasses to [name] and [name]. To the happy couple.
Thank you for coming, from near and far. Thank you to our parents for [something specific]. Thank you to [name], who has kept us all in order tonight. To all of you.
How do you sign up to give a speech?
With the toastmaster, not the couple. The couple should be surprised, and the toastmaster needs to know who is speaking, roughly for how long and whether you need a microphone, a screen or music. Get in touch at least a week before the wedding, earlier if you can.
If the toastmaster is named on the invitation or the wedding website, their number will be there. Otherwise ask someone in the wedding party. What the toastmaster does on the night is in the toastmaster guide.
The toastmaster on the wedding website
With Lysela, the couple can add one or two toastmasters to their wedding website, with a phone number or email, on every tier. Guests see straight away who to contact if they want to give a speech, show something or plan a surprise, so the couple can stay in the dark. The schedule with times is on the same site, so speakers know when dinner starts.
You pay once, SEK 795, SEK 1,795 or SEK 4,990 including VAT, and the site stays up for 12 to 18 months depending on the tier.
Frequently asked questions
Who gives the first speech at a wedding?
Traditionally the bride's father, after the toastmaster's welcome. Today it is often whoever is closest to the couple, and the toastmaster decides the order.
How long should a wedding speech be?
Three to five minutes. Parents and the best man can take a little longer, but stay under ten.
Does the couple have to give a speech?
It is usual but not required. Many couples give one joint speech at the end of dinner to thank their guests, and if only one of them wants to speak, that works just as well.
Can you read your speech from notes?
Yes. Print it in large type or put key words on a card, and look up when you get to the toast.