Wedding RSVP: what to ask guests and when it should be due
Updated 27 September 2026 · by Lysela
An RSVP is how a wedding counts heads before the catering order goes in. A good one does not just ask whether a guest is coming, it catches dietary needs, transport and anything else the kitchen or the couple need to know ahead of time. Here is what an RSVP should ask and when the deadline should fall.
What should a wedding RSVP ask?
Attending or not
The basic question, asked per household rather than per guest, so one reply covers a whole family.
Allergies and dietary needs
Ask outright in the same form, so you are not chasing this down once the numbers are already with the kitchen.
Children, if any
If the guest list is open to children, you need to know how many and roughly how old, for seating and the kids' menu.
Transport and where they are staying
Asking whether a guest needs a lift or a hotel recommendation lets you plan coaches and room bookings in time.
An open field for anything else
A blank text field catches what you did not think to ask, like a wheelchair-accessible seat or a seating request.
When should the RSVP go out?
RSVPs usually open with the invitation, two to three months before the wedding, once venues, times and the schedule are settled. If you sent a save the date well in advance, the RSVP questions can wait until the proper invitation, so guests are not asked to answer details you have not decided yourselves yet.
When should the RSVP deadline be?
Four to six weeks before the wedding is a common rule of thumb. That gives the kitchen time to count portions and gives you time to nudge the households that have not replied, without pushing guests to decide too early.
If the venue is somewhere many guests are travelling a distance for, set the deadline a week or so earlier, so there is still time to adjust coaches and the seating plan before the numbers go to the kitchen.
How do you keep track of replies without losing any?
One shared form, whether on paper or online, is far easier to keep straight than replies that trickle in by text, email and word of mouth. Keeping every reply in one place means you can see at a glance which households are still missing and send a timely nudge, rather than piecing the list together by hand the night before the deadline.
How RSVPs work with Lysela
With Lysela, guests reply per household, with dietary needs in the same form, no app and no account. When you sign in you see every reply in one place, download the allergy list for the kitchen and know straight away which households are still worth a nudge. From Plus you can also add your own questions to the RSVP, for menu choice or an extra night, say.
Frequently asked questions
What does RSVP mean?
"Répondez s'il vous plaît", French for "please reply". It is a polite request for an answer, not just a question.
Should the RSVP be per guest or per household?
Per household is simplest for most guests: one reply covers the whole family, and you are not tracking several replies from the same address.
What do we do if someone misses the deadline?
Send a nudge to that one household a few days after the deadline, rather than pushing the deadline back for everyone.
Can we ask about more than just attendance?
Yes. Menu choice, accommodation and song requests are common additions, as long as the questions are clear and the answers are easy to tally.